Don’t Piss Off the Unicorn
Glenda Glitterpoop is a cute, cuddly little unicorn. Until you squeeze her and reveal her dark side. Doubtful “unicorn bites” are covered under your current medical insurance.
Bob Ross Chia Featuring Phthalo Green Afro
Everybody needs a friend. Bob Ross will be your friend, with happy little chia trees sprouting forth in full afro glory.
![DIY Alien Abduction Lamp: [Insert Quip About Probes Here]](http://contrarymall.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/alien_abduction_lamp_diy.jpeg)
DIY Alien Abduction Lamp: [Insert Quip About Probes Here]
If you have a yearning for home decor inspired by brutal alien abductions (and who doesn’t?), this might be the perfect way to spend an afternoon.
Birthday Card, Bigfoot Stomp of Approval
Yeah… even the hipsters in your life have birthdays. Not that you actually care. This card might convince them you do though.
Bigfoot Scarf Gives You Warm Fuzzies
Among first-world problems, “a cold neck” ranks near the top. But why suffer in misery when Bigfoot waits to wrap your neck in his warm embrace?