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Wrap Yourself in Tentacled Comfort Each Evening

Wrap Yourself in Tentacled Comfort Each Evening

Home + Garden

Don’t we all dream of someone to hold us close at night? This “Octopus Lady” queen duvet cover offers eight arms to hold you tight. Like, really tight.

$149.95 @ Amazon

DIY Alien Abduction Lamp: [Insert Quip About Probes Here]

DIY Alien Abduction Lamp: [Insert Quip About Probes Here]

Arts + Crafts, DIY

If you have a yearning for home decor inspired by brutal alien abductions (and who doesn’t?), this might be the perfect way to spend an afternoon.

Free @ Hallmark

UFO Detector with Built-in … Just Read the Description

UFO Detector with Built-in … Just Read the Description

Tech

You know, how when UFOs land, they create electromagnetic disturbances? (Of course you know; you’re a Contrary Mall shopper.) With a built-in magnetometer, his handy gadget will alert you to said disturbances (and resulting UFOs) 24/7.


$87.66 @ Amazon

 

Facetime With This Alien Plush Toy

Facetime With This Alien Plush Toy

Toys + Games

Imagine the deep conversations you can have wearing this plush beauty on your face. Friend: Where’d you get that? You: Mmphh rmmph mmph

$20.57 @ Amazon

Bigfoot Scarf Gives You Warm Fuzzies

Bigfoot Scarf Gives You Warm Fuzzies

Clothing

Among first-world problems, “a cold neck” ranks near the top. But why suffer in misery when Bigfoot waits to wrap your neck in his warm embrace?

$17.91 @ Amazon

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